Contrary to what I have been doing the past several weeks – I declare it a setback, and that is all. I now decide to abandon the feeling of abandonment itself and begin again to develop and push myself forward. I am again motivated, at last.
It’s been a tempestuous period whilst I’ve switched jobs and struggled keeping a wraps on my drinking and drug taking habits. However, I’m slowly settling into what has been a stark contrast – from a laboring job to something far more professional and with far more responsibility. I’m also resolved that I won’t smoke marijuana again for a long time – more resolved than I have ever been. To dress that wound I’m content to continue to drink at the weekends, one night a week. I know myself and that will likely turn into two, but as long as that’s it, and I’m achieving everything else that I set out to do – then I’m happy for that to be my contingency.
The writing as suffered greatly in this time too. I’ve kept in touch with Nick, although not as much as I should, and not to the same clarity and depth as previous. As such we’ve lost some direction and I now have a mountain of work to do in polishing everything; adding and adjusting descriptions and ensuring there are no errors in continuity, all the while writing my own scenes for Craggy and trying to steer us in the right direction. Nobody ever said writing was easy. I’ve also not made things easy for myself as I decided that I would take part in NaNoWriMo this year. That’s not going to happen – I admit defeat already – I simply have too much going at once. Rugby is also long gone, I’ll resume next year when I can give the team and my body the attention they both require and deserve.
However, I do have a plan B. A long time ago, not long after I brought Nick on board, I was raring to go and wrote out a big battle sequence that we are now approaching. The plot has diverged significantly since then, so we won’t be using that scene. This means that It’s either lost – or I use it somewhere else. The latter, as you may have gathered, is what I intend to do. I’m going to self publish this as a short story to promote our main novel, perhaps drawing on some timey-wimey inspiration from Dr. Who as to why this unique storyline exists. Anyway it’ll technically be non-cannon, which is quite odd considering it’s coming from the principal author of the story. But uniqueness is something I’ve both struggled with and greatly enjoyed throughout my life so far – so why stop doing things differently now?
I visited my Grandad a week or so ago and all went well, it was nice to see him and detach from the real world. I do find however that every time I visit, I feel more and more out of place in the mountains and countryside. I’ve made myself too at home where I am now. One of life’s unavoidable tragedies, I suspect.
I’d better bring up my romantic en-devours as I have by now made it custom in these belated and now irregular life reports. For lack of a better explanation – I fucked everything up. So now I’m at square one again and truth be told, I don’t mind it this time. I’m content to give up chasing people and focus on myself again; focus on my book, on (hopefully) saving money, on making a statement at work, on lining up the next chapter of my own life instead of worrying about other peoples. On and also, it’s my birthday today. I am doing absolutely nothing, and it’s fantastic.
Featured image = Carrog upon the Dee, Wales – the closest town to my Grandad’s house.
And with that, farewell my dedicated, friendly and ever supporting imaginary audience.
Joseph Davies 